AN EROTIC-ART STORY: ONCE UPON A TIME

ONCE UPON A TIME........EROTICA ART
Time was running out. Brian returned not only to his upstste, hometown, village life and prelude to retirement but to the religion of his youth, Roman Catholicism. Age, lost innocence, near fatalities, poor judgement and harsh wake-up calls had forced a surrender that only his art had known until then. In obedience he travelled back, not ahead on his own trail, but back to the sights, smells, rituals and sacraments; back to a physical posturing, an early, learned stance and awe-filled reticence that helped him survive his first 17 years in that town of watching and loose-tongued gossip over the clothes line. Remeber it was the 50's.

BHAJI
1 cabbage sliced thin
3 large potatoes cut small
1 jalapeno, take out seeds if want mild
1 tablespoon mustard seed
1/4 teaspoon tumeric
1 tablespoon corainder powder
lemon juice to taste
Heat ghee.When hot add mustard, chili, tumeric. When mustard pops add potatoes. Stir, cook 8 minutes. Mediumheat. Add cabbage. Cook until both tender. Add corainder. Lemon to taste. Eat with yogurt.

Scrutiny by others was a smallprice to pay for THE RETURN because in going back he contacted a physical kinesthesia, an uncontrollable bodily response to mystery and Presence which was swoon-like, ecstasy-like, liminal-like; back to a spontaneous desire to not move, rather BE moved from within. Brian's first "experience" when 10 resulted in what seemed to be a fainting from hunger or onverheating. It happened simultaneously with the Consecration of the Wine at Mass but after that one time, he hid the feeling deep inside, modelling the Zen-quiet equanimity of the nuns who closely watched their flock, mentoring stillness both in church and the classroom.


BASMATI RICE
11/2 cups basmati rice
2 tablespoons ghee
2 inch cinnamon stick
2 cloves
2 green cardamon crushed
Wash rice in cold water until clear. Cover with water and soak 30 minutes. Heat ghee, add rice, stir on medium, one minute. Add water, spices and boil. Cover put on low with lid and simmer about 20 minutes. When done let stand 5 minutes. Eat with yogurt.

Once back in the same village, Brian'shypocalmus, reptilian brain, inner child and drama-trained skills re-emerged and he attempted to construct himself as he had once been. Given the task of oncorporating tremendous surges of energy into cells habituated to his own proclivities , he found the tug of war fascinating. With scientific observation he noted how he coped thosefirst 15 years; voices were then punitive, repeating mantra-like,"Hold it in," "Deny,""Don't show off,", "Don't tell," and when the ecstatic force of Visitation washed over his soul-hungerat Mass or during prayer in public he heard, "Tighten up so the kids kneeling next to you don't have a clue what's happening. Only saints faint with love."

CHANNA KARI
2 cans chickpeas
1 tablespoon curry powder
1/4 teaspoon cumin
1 onion
ginger
garlic
2 cloves
Fry onions,garlic and all spices in oil. Add drained chickpeas. Lemon juice to taste. Sprinkle 1/4 cup fresh coriander on top.



For 40 years he had been away in lands and mental states of permission and creativity and free intimacy and desire. As a result he was terribly spoiled. Inclusion of EVERYTHING as permissable had provided him with a playground for his secularized metaphysical flights. Orchestrating things so well, he actually made a living from doing what he wanted------at least that's what it seemed; days were an unending banquet, an art cruise, an uninterrupted ride into alpha and on the way back, he re-arranged the muse's messages, sharing the wealth.

CASHEW RICE WITH PEAS
1 cup leftover basmati rice
1/2 cup roasted cashew pieces
1/2 cup frozen peas thawed in hot water
2 tablespoons ghee
pinch of hing, tumeric
In pan put spices and cashews. Stir. Add rice. Stir and heat. Garnish with corainder.

That was then. Encased in shame,the Prodigal Son crashed, came home to the same bed, same house, same kitchen table but this time something was different. Glued to the TV, he watched re-runs of animal programs on the discovery chanel and was heart-softened by one about wild ponies trained to be used differently. Actually, it made him cry--------the ropes, the hoofs in the air, the handlers talking the wildness out until a saddle and bridle and bit, then the rider won over the animal's will. Horse eyes went from flaming red to sweet surrender. Brian identified and Grace was the rider.

CHAPATI
1 cup flour
1 tablespoon oil
water
Combine all ingredients. Knead and form a ball. Place in bowl, 30 minutes. Knead again and form about 7 small balls. Roll into a 5 inch circle. Use flour if too sticky. Heat until bubbles and turn cooking the other side until it puffs.

Co-trainers there were many; critiques by blood family, his own uncontested memories and an amazingly wise and semi-cloistered monk who became his spiritual director. Father Gerald had been in India 35 years and his international experience had karmically prepared him to understand Brian's soul which was conversant with and practiced in eastern theologies. So when Brian said Kundalini, Father Gerald translated it as Gifts of the Spirit; Brian said Vedanta, Father Gerald said Transubstantiation; Brian said Nirvikalpa Samadhi, Father said Centering Prayer; Brian said Tantra, Father Gerald said Reconciliation; Brian said Makyo, Father said neurotic hallucinations. And on and on, spiritually echoing each other. It was much like a religious berlitz course, a receipe for return and re-theologizing of Brian's ride back to Presence.

KEER
7 cups milk
1 cup rice
1/2 teaspoon cardamon powder
1 bay leaf
sugar to taste
raisins/sliced almonds optional
Combine rice, milk ,bay leaf. Cook to boil, stirring constantly. When thick remove bay leaf. Add cardamon , sugar, raisins, almonds.

A year into his return home it began again:
he was tossed to the floor---just like before
the walls whispered messages---just like before
he floated to the ceiling and beyond---just like before
he fainted when the Host was raised at Mass---just like before
To compensate he did three things:
1. He asked am I dreaming? Having a bioelectrical/neurological misfiriing?
2. He overate, became heavier and used the logic that said, ------more pounds, less levitaton.
3. He met with Father Gerald and they talked for hours about the difference between demonic oppression and demonic possession. Once the difference was understood, Brian was encouraged to repeat Hail Mary's , or the Memorare, or command the disturbance to leave in the name of the Blood of Jesus ! Possession needed exocism, oppression needed prayer. Father counseled further: " Learn to pray, Brian, that is your greatest weapon and don't get attached to any of this. I want to read you something written by St. John of the Cross:
" The pure, cautious, simple and humble soul should resist and reject revelation and other visions with as much effort and care as it would extremely dangerous temptatons, for in order to reach the UNION OF LOVE there is no need of desiring them,but rather of rejecting them. Solomon meant this when he exclaimed:
" What need has a man to desire and seek what is above his natural capacity?" This means that to be perfect there is no need to desire or receive goods in a way that is supernatural and beyond one's capacity." THE ASCENT

CHAI
7 cups water
7 cups milk
1 cinnamon stick
3 cloves
ginger cut or whole
6 green cardamon ,crushed
few black peppercorns
sugar to taste
12-14 full teaspoons black tea or tea bags
Heat milk, spices and water to boil, Let sit 5 minutes. Add tea. Boil again on low for 5 minutes. If in a hurry, boil and stir for 5 minutes , strain and serve.

Years of fearless Body Art was good training because now his 630 muscles relaxed when attacked; the 400 trillion cells of his body exuded light when bothered; his cerebrum, cerebellum, cerebral cortex and hypocalmus were no longer overpowered by chaos. Humbled by all the newness and the simplicity of obedience, he let go of his tensions, forgot about his tortured conscience, and gave up his old proclivities for the extrordinary. Life quieted itself.
And then, while in prayer one chilly March dawn, he surrendered, submitted, obeyed, received and merged when a feather-winged lightforce wrapped him in a warmth beyond touch, piercing his side, his hands , his feet, with an invisible knife-tipped arrow.
This is not, THE END

MEDICINAL KICHEREE
1 cup rice
1 cup mung beans
4 cups water
Boil all together. Cover and simmer for 30 minutes or until finished.

FOOTNOTE:
After sending this "Invitation" to a few friends and reading Mark Saltzman's ,LAYING AWAKE, I structured my essay differently.
AN INVITATION
In the 70's I met Performance Artist Karen Finley at the San Francisco Art Institute where I was "teaching" performance. Immediately and instantly we became colleagues and I have been adevotedfan of her work and admirer of her vision eversince.
She has invitedme to write something for her newbook on erotica and I would like to look at the subject through the fictional eyes of St. Theresa of Avila ( Name wouldbe different, actions different, lots of other things similar andit would give me a chance to "perform"sainthood as art!)
What interests me is Divine ecstasy but also the chemical/neurological/neurobiological/physcological/theological/archetypical/medical/erotic/hystericalissues conversant with mystical states of rapture.




EMAIL 2
For 40 years he had been away in lands and mentalstates ofpermission and creativity and free intimacy and desire. As a result he was terribly spoiled. Inclusion of EVERYTHING as permissable had provided him with a playground for his secularized metaphysical flights. Orchestrating things so well , he actually made a living from doing what he wanted------at least that's what it seemed; days were an unending banquet, an art cruise, an uninterrupted ride into alpha and on the way back, he re-arranged the muse's messages, sharing the wealth.

CASHEW RICE WITH PEAS
1 cup leftover basmati rice
1/2 cup roasted cashew pieces
1/2 cup frozen peas thawed in hot water
2 tablespoons ghee
pinch of hing, tumeric
In pan put spices and cashews. Stir. Add rice. Stir and heat. Garnish with corainder.

That was then. Encasedin shame,the Prodigal Son crashed, came home to the samebed,same house, same kitchen table but this time something was different. Glued to the TV, he watched re-runs of animal programs on the discovery chanel and was heart-softened by one about wild ponies trained to be useddifferently. Actually, it made him cry--------the ropes, the hoofs in the air, the handlers talking the wildness out until a saddle and bridle and bit ,then rider won over the animal's will. Horse eyes went from flaming red tosweet surrender. Brian identified and Grace was the rider.

CHAPATI
1 cup flour
1 tablespoon oil
water
Combine all ingredients.Knead and form a ball. Place in bowl, 30 minutes. Kead again and form about 7 small balls. Roll into a 5 inch circle. Use flour if too sticky.Heat until bubbles and turn cooking the other side until it puffs.

Co-trainers there were many;critiques by blood family, his own uncontested memories and an amazingly wise and semi-cloistered monk who became his spiritual director. Father Gerald had been in India 35 years and his international experience had karmically prepared him to understand Brian's soul which was conversant with and practiced in eastern theologies. So when Brian said Kundalini,Father Gerald translated it as Giftsof the Spirit; Brian said Vedanta, Father Gerald said Transubstantiation; Brian said Nirvikalpa Samadhi, Father said Centering Prayer; Brian said Tantra, Father Gerald said Reconciliation; Brian said Makyo, Father said neurotic hallucinations. And on and on, spiritually echoing each other. It was much like a religious berlitz course, a receipe for return and re-theologizing of Brian's ride back to Presence.

KEER
7 cups milk
1 cup rice
1/2 teaspoon cardamon powder
1 bay leaf
sugar to taste
raisins/sliced almonds optional
Combine rice,milk ,bay leaf. Cook to boil, stirring constantly. When thick remove bay leaf. Add cardamon , sugar, raisins, almonds.

A year into his return home it began again:
he was tossed to the floor---just like before
the walls whispered messages---just like before
he floated to the ceiling and beyond---just like before
he fainted when the Host was raised at Mass---just like before
To compensate he did three things:
1. He asked am I dreaming? Having a bioelectrical/neurological misfiriing?
2. He overate, became heavier and used the logic that said, ------more pounds, less levitaton.
3. Hemet with Father Gerald and they talked for hours about the difference between demonic oppression and demonic possession. Once the difference was understood, Brian was encouraged to repeat Hail Mary's , or the Memorare, or command the disturbance to leave in the name of the Blood of Jesus ! Possession needed exocism,oppression needed prayer. Father counseled further: " Learn to pray, Brian, that is your greatest weapon and don't get attached to any of this. I want to read you something written by St. John of the Cross:
" The pure, cautios, simple and humblesoul should resist and reject revelation and
other visions with as much effort and care as it would extremely dangerous
temptatons, for in order to reach the UNION OF LOVE there is no need of desiring
them,but rather of rejecting them. Solomon meant this when he exclaimed:
" What need has a man to desire and seek what is above his natural capacity?" This
means that to be perfect there is no need to desire or receive goods in a way that is
supernatural and beyond one's capacity." THE ASCENT

CHAI
7 cups water
7 cups milk
1 cinnamon stick
3 cloves
ginger cut or whole
6 green cardamon ,crushed
few black peppercorns
sugar to taste
12-14 full teaspoons black tea or tea bags
Heat milk, spices and water to boil, Let sit 5 minutes. Add tea. Boil again on low for 5 minutes. If in a hurry, boil and stir for 5 minutes , strain and serve.

Years of fearless Body Art was good training because now his 630muscles relaxed when attacked; the 400 trillion cells of his body exuded light when bothered; his cerebrum, cerebellum, cerebral cortex and hypocalmus were no longer overpowered by chaos. Humbled by all the newness and the simplicity of obedience, he let go of his tensions, forgot about his tortured conscience, and gave up his old proclivities for the extrordinary. Life quieted itself.
And then, while in prayer one chilly March dawn, he surrendered, submitted,obeyed, received and merged when a feather-winged lightforce wrapped him in a warmth beyond touch,piercing his side, his hands , his feet, with an invisible knife-tipped arrow.
This is not, THE END

MEDICINAL KICHEREE
1 cup rice
1 cup mung beans
4 cups water
Boil all together. Cover and simmer for 30 minutes or until finished.

FOOTNOTE:
After sending this "Invitation" to a few friends and reading Mark Saltzman's ,LAYING AWAKE, I structured my essay differently.
AN INVITATION
In the 70's I met Performance Artist Karen Finley at the San Francisco Art Institute where I was "teaching" performance. Immediately and instantly we became colleagues and I have been a devoted fan of her work and admirer of her vision ever since.
She has invited me to write something for her newbook on erotica and I would like to look at the subject through the fictional eyes of St. Theresa of Avila ( Name would be different, actions different, lots of other things similar and it would give me a chance to "perform"sainthood as art!)
What interests me is Divine ecstasy but also the chemical/neurological/neurobiological/psychological/theological/archetypical/medical/erotic/hysterical issues conversant with mystical states of rapture.