MIRACLE:THE COLONOSCOPY

                                    LINDA MARY MONTANO  2025

MIRACLE; THE COLONOSCOPY

The five weeks of chronic constipation seemed like an ominous invitation to replay wonky family bowel karma. That is, my maternal grandmother's bowel events and most likely colon cancer, my mother's full blown colon cancer and colostomy and other family members' unmentionable bowel issues best left unsaid! So here I was/am repeating the generational shit show, severely constipated for over 5 weeks, left questioning why my first Chakra, ruled by fear, was betraying me???? Hadn't I done all of the Yoga Nidra clearings and exercises prescribed for maximal Chakra Flow as prescribed by my teacher, Shri Brahmananda Saraswati? Guess not!!!! My mantras, prayers, visualizations, chiropractic adjustments, acupuncture by a master healer and personal stomach massages yielded nothing to release the cemented refuse in my 83-year-old, well-worn colon. I was left with dynamiting my inner self with over-the-counter laxatives. Not fun, not recommended. The fact that it was right at the juncture of the Chinese New year, the YEAR OF THE WOOD SNAKE, and that I was born under the sign of the Snake, although a METAL SNAKE, became both an invitation to reseeing my well used and once functioning colon as an imitation of an inner snake, coiled and in vibrational homeostasis? But then I thought  ahhh haaa that's the problem, Linda you are a METAL SNAKE, hard as nails, unyielding, impenetrable. What's it going to take for you to SOFTEN UP? LIGHT UP? LOOSEN? You can do it even though the universe and your current personal fear narrative sends 4AM dreadful dire predictions that would constrict even a top notch, limber, relaxed and dread free 1950's MARTHA GRAHM dancer's ecstatic, veiled flow!! (Remember that back then NOBODY WAS EVER CONSTIPATED.)

REMEDY

Biting the metal bullet, I reached out to the experts, my medical gurus including family Medical Doctors. Notice I said MY medical gurus/team because I appropriate, hold close by language, buy, take over, own MY TEAM. And on this ever-growing list is MY DENTIST/MY GASTROENTEROLOGIST/MY PRIMARY PHYSICIAN/ MY GYM  and a big ETC, and these people and places are all Mine, offering a modicum of relief, safety, belonging and inclusion into a SafetyNet and curing modality that will assuage anxiety and take away all fear of abandonment?? Or closer to the chase, FEAR OF DEATH?

Reaching out to MY GASTRO, I waded through telephone calls, texts, pharmacy clean out evacuation laxatives designed to blast through a sky high, maybe centuries old, sky-high pyramid of unforgeable stalagmited feces! And Luddite that I am even attended a Zoom pre-colonoscopy appointment with MY DOCTOR'S NURSE who is now MY NURSE, right?

That task completed, I wondered, am I doing the right thing because MY NURSE said ,"We don't do colonoscopies after the age of 85,'' warning me I guess of the intensity of the process. But I informed MY NURSE that I was a veteran of this medical ENDURANCE,  having had many over the years because of, as it says on my chart, "family history." As an enduranceaholic, I I agreed to a day of water EXTREME INNER SPORTS as a goad and invitation to my inner self to let it all go. 

The Facebook constipation group, could keep ANYONE up for months reading about cures, cases worse than mine, quack meds, hair raising stories that seemed to fuel not relief but a tighter abdomen. These, THE CONSTIPATED, became my new friends and I had no time to text my real ones while I learned about figs, prunes, kiwi, Miralax, magnesium and thousands of other methodologies that were so numerous that I  kept a three ring binder titled, CONSTIPATION.

SOLIDARITY

Clean out the debris/downsize the buildup day came and the inner tsunami-making liquids were ingested, resulting in a nursing home-like scene from a horror movie. NURSE! NURSE! You all know what that's like so I digress. Next morning it was time for the MEDICAL INNER EXAM. Is it possible that when I was not so full of inner compaction that I was more flexibly beholden and in gratitude mode to the friend who not only picked me up but didn't vibe, "Oy she's 83 and this might be the beginning of my becoming her constant link to the 864 doctor visits she will most likely start to need? " NO, this sweet one, raised Quaker and an ex Candy Striper and once driver for the Office of the Aging, was completely, generously THERE, and luckily she was a happy chit chatter who made the 45-minute ride to my new most favorite hospital in the world, just what it was: a sightseeing RIDE! Hey, isn't that BOCES to our left, have you ever gone there? She had, and took about four courses over the years. Her own past medical interventions/illnesses and service-oriented early spiritual training had created in her a generous heart, one that I sat next to in her car while her heart vibrationally frequencied and mentored mine. I was in rehearsal on my way to the hospital, learning to love my own self and my FIRST CHAKRA'S FEAR OF NOW, 2025. It's quick this play, and luckily, I was having a medically induced chance to prepare myself to go gently or  non-gently into the final, numinous journey from DIRT TO LIGHT? Going to the hospital will do this to us, NO?

HOSPITAL

Hospitals can conjure all kinds of responses/judgments but my thinking that day was, "They are concerned and caring here. I was there to find out, " Am I duplicating my mother's colon cancer diagnosis?" Unless you go there to have a natural, easy birth which can be a joyful event, hospitals can also be like a confessional, a place to go where we(I) can admit, I'M WRONG!!!!(Have not been drinking MY 6 glasses of water a day. Now don't go and tell this to MY DOCTOR.)  Don't we go to hospital/ healing center where the medical community does their best to heal/fix/sew up/extract/hold the hand of the dying/medicate/bandage/Xray and never ask questions or bemoan the DUI or punish the careless who come to them to be healed. Yesterday I went to this Hospital Church to have my inner snake inspected and the experience was one of the most creative, loving and inspirational experiences, equivalent to MY daily one-hour Forest Bathing walks in this bucolic upstate NY Mountain village. Wondering if it was because I have been theatre-art-deprived, I started tripping and was transported into a vision of timeless white and slo-mo gliding as soon as I went to the colonoscopy floor, where dozens of medical healers lovingly prepared me for the inner search into my inner self. This is before the proponal drug that the anesthesiologist administered. It wasn't the drug. It was the vortex and I know a good vortex when I feel one. It happened immediately. Time stopped; I was in a performance art event that was stunning. Everyone slow-moving their tasks in a measured compassion that changes consciousness.  Church. Sacred Space. AHHHH this isn't so bad. Glad I'm here. How can that be? I might have caused this by not hydrating enough and still they are Mother Teresa-ing me!!!! 'Do you want another heated blanket? It's cold here." 

DOCTOR

Not having had a colonoscopy from him in 8 years, I still remembered MY GASTROENTOLOGIST'S Santa Claus-Padre Pio like, jolly presence and when he came to my bedside, looking happy to be with me, I sensed a true honesty, and being an expert at vibrational and aura frequencies and matches this made the hospital movie/dream/vision/trip even more embedded in the possibility that TRANSFIGURATION is possible. Was it 40 years of colonoscopies, whatever it was, he was sanctified by SOMETHING into such a largess of SPIRIT and KINDNESS that everything and all time became positively stretched.

PROPANOL

********************************************************

(An aside: Years ago I went to a TEMPLE GRANDIN lecture and afterwards, each member of the audience was invited to have a one-to-one meeting with her. This was a defining moment of my life; this was a treasured time. This was magnificence. I asked her, "What do you see as a cure/medicine/treatment for my cervical dystonia?" She said, "Proponal.").                         ********************************************************

Back to the colonoscopy. That day, when MY ANESTHESIOLOGIST for the colonoscopy brought me back from the proponal induced BLISS OF NOTHINGNESS after the procedure, I was   talking/babbling/lecturing about LOVE to the 5 SAINT-HEALERS in the colonoscopy room. I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY feel that they were LISTENING.   

PS. NO POLYPS. NO CANCER. 🌺.                      

Linda Mary Montano 2025.